Online Devorce Jokes

Divorce Humor

..Laughter works good like a medicine...

? DIVORCE FOR WEAR
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.
She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here."
She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!" ????


Divorce Barbie
Little girl goes into a toy store. Asks the salesperson, "How much is a Barbie Doll ?"
The salesperson replies, "They are different prices, it depends on which one you want."
"Oh. How much is this Surfer Barbie ?" "$19.95"
"How much is Biker Barbie ?" "$19.95"
"How much is Malibu Barbie ?" "$19.95"
"How much is Divorce Barbie ?" "That one is $69.95"
"Wow. Why are all these other Barbie's only $20, but Divorce Barbie is $70 ?"
"Because Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house and Ken's car !"


Divorce Proceedings
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

When my wife and I divorced, we split the house fifty-fifty.
She got the inside and I got the outside.